HEY GUYS!!!! okay, sorry for not posting or anything earlier but as you can imagine, this month has been hell. high school graduation, the Expo (which was heaven on earth XD), now surgery, and doctors’ appointments the whole time, as well as family crap, i haven’t really been able to do much here. sorry. but sadly, things won’t be getting any better for a while. but let’s just try to catch up from where i last left off, shall we?

and i’m warning you guys now, there’s no guarantee i’ll be going in completely chronological order, but i’ll try ^^

okay,so from where i last left i, i went to yet another doctor's appointment and found out that my spine will be fused from T4 - L4 (here's a visual to help. basically it's from about between your shoulder blades to the small of your back [link] ). um...then i found out that my doctor probably won't be able to fix the way my ribs stick out so much (not like it's something that i'm really worried about) and um...i think that was it for that appointment. then i had my high school graduation, which was totally overrated but hey, i got lots of money so that was good. then i was out shopping around with my editor and getting ready for the expo. then there were issues with hotel rooms and we turned my house into home base for the expo again (pretty much everyone just gathered at my house and we stayed up until about 6 AM trying to finish things that should have been done months ago) but either way, we finished most of our stuff, then we went to the expo, which i have to say, was the BEST!!!!!!!!!! we had SOOOO much fun. and just to make it better, we made som new friends, one being the awesome ~chauntel123 she's a great Matt and a great person. really is.

OH! WAIT!! i forgot something. okay, now i'm going out of chronological order.
right, so on the day of pre reg for the expo....okay, back up even farther. the week before the expo, i had to give blood for my surgery, which surprisinly wasn't as bad as i thought it would be but i certainly learned the hard way why you're supposed to drink a lot afterwards. not. fun.

but okay, back to pre reg. right, on that day, apparently, my mom didn't understand that pre reg was that day so she planned my cardiologist appointment like...an hour after pre reg opened and none of our parents would let us stay out in LA after dark so we were kinda screwed for time. especially since the doctor was running late that day (talk about hell) okay, but either way, i learned that day that apparently, pain can indeed kill me. yeah, you heard right. pain can kill me. the reason being that i have a weak heart (it leaks blood everytime it beats, and yes you can hear this with a stethescope if you wait for a moment. weirdest thing in the world to heard. not the point) and that when you're in pain, your blood pressure goes up and with my heart, that can cause a hole to form and i can bleed out. fun fact ain't it? *blegh*

okay, but whatever, back to the expo: best thing in the WORLD!!!! oh my hell it was great. and there's already videos of the gatheirngs i was at (Death Note and Final Fantasy) up on youtube. so fun. and all of our feet were killing us. i mean, come on. you start walking in combat boots after 4 years of wearing nothing but sandles. either that or having your boot zipper break on you during the expo. talk about pain. but then, sadly, the expo ended, but it still wasn't over. we all exchanged phone numbers, and last saturday we all got together at the beach and just hung out (not in cosplay, thankfully ) and, oh, that was just so fun!!!!! we were taking candid photos of everyone and just goofing off. so much fun.

so then that brings us back to this week. ain't it just amazing how i can blow through time like that? *ahem* either way, i've pretty much just spent this week cleaning and rearranging the entire house for when i come home from the hospital, which sadly, other than resulting in just annoying the hell out of me (i still don't see why we had to move damned near everything in the whole house), but that also resulted in my mom losing the metal casting pendant i made in my 3D design class that i wanted to post on here, but now obviously can't. oh well, i'll post it when i find it.

but either way, that was sunday, monday, and tuesday. and now we're on wendsday! (and yes, i know i have horrible spelling) okay, so for yesterday....well, my sister, her husband, and my friend who flew in from london to be here with me (love her to pieces ) came over this morning, the i showed them expo stuff, then we all went to lunch. and then, i entered hell....they dragged me along for... *dum dum duuummm* shopping! :fiant: now don't get me wrong, i like shopping, just not for clothes and not with my mother around. she still doesn't seem to understand that i'm not a "pink" person. and you know what, along with the "rearraging the whole damned house!" thing, i still don't understand my i suddenly need like 10 different pairs of pajamas. i mean, i understand that i'll be pretty much living in my pajamas for the next 2 months, but i already have two pairs!!! i can just switch out into my other pair when i need the ones i'm wearing washed!! argh. i don't get but whatever, they bought them, we got the wrong size shirts (HA!! sucks for them ) and then we went to see the new Harry Potter movie. and i gotta say, i didn't remember any of that stuff. i mean, i've read the book and everything, just damn none of that seemed familiar. oh well, not the point. we then went home and, as usual, we got lost (we seem to be doing that quite a bit today....yesterday...whatever it is) but eventually found our way home. so then we finally got here, everyone's kinda freaking out about tomorrow except me (go figure) but whatever. i'm just not thrilled about the recovery is all. the surgery doesn't really bother me, it's just the recovery that's gonna be a bitch. i mean, i like my independence, but know my family, they're going to be hovering over me every single f***ing second. talk about hell on earth. but okay, whatever. we got things ready, everyone's asleep right now (except me obviously XD) and now i have.....1 hour and 30 minutes until i have to be in the hospital. joy *sarcasm* whatever.

okay, so know that i've gotten through all of that crap: here's an actual medical update (took me long enough XP)

right so....let's see, you guys know about my spine and how seriously f***ed up it is, you guys know about how my doctor's won't be able to fix any of the physical crap that's wrong, you guys know how much time i have left until i enter a family-induced hell....hmm....what's left? OH! the risks!!! right. totally forgot about those. smart ain't i?

okay, so um...the risks. well....seeing as i have total faith in my doctor, i'm not too worried about him slipping or something, but i am worried about the whole "well this one person had the same surgery and ended up paralyzed from the waist down and we have no idea why" thing, so that's a little concerning. um...the whole "pain can actually kill me" thing isn't too comforting right now, but i'm going to have a button for pain meds that i control, so that's good. um...the "this is my first time in a hospital for something about me" isn't so good since we have no f***ing clue what i'm allergic to or if how i'll react to the anastesia aint' too good either. um....let's see...oh yeah! the pain factor isn't really making me happy either. i don't do well with pain, espeically knowing that pain can now kill me. hmm...fun....

um...yeah, i think that's about it for the risks and crap. OH! and having to be forced out of bed the day after isn't making me happy either.

so, as you can probably tell, i'm not too happy with this whole thing. but hey, look at it this way: i either get this surgery done and get to live longer, or in about 2 years half my life will be over. hmmm....i wonder what option i'll pick. XP

okay, so yeah, that's about it. i think i'm going to sign off now. OH!! i almost forgot. in the next few weeks or so, if it says i'm online, IT'S NOT ME!!! it's probably my editor checking up on things for me. oh well. if you talk to her, you'll be able to tell if it's me or not. we talk very differently.

so um...yeah. that's it. i'll see you guys in a few weeks (hopefully). and for those few of you that have my number feel free to call. just know that i'll probably be out of it for a while so...yeah. i'll talk to you eventually. ^^

and for everyone else, i just wanna say, thanks for all of the support. it really means a lot to me and has helped me tons!!! love to you all and i'll see you guys soon.



and thus, with this journal entry posted, the mass posting is over.

SEE YA GUYS!!!!

XP

finally!!! only took about...what...a year? XD

*ahem* anyway, as you can probably tell, i'm going to the expo, only this time, i'm cosplaying rather than being just the wardrobe manager.

...
okay, scratch that last part. i'll probably still end up being the manager anyway, but still, i'm cosplaying. ^^ and now, i get to be the human curtain (Vincent Valentine)this year!! but it gets even better....i have a CID!!!! my lovely editor is going as Cid with me on the first day. gotta love her.

right, so, if anyone is going to the expo and happens to run into a CxV pairing on the first day, a death note group with a long haired mello on the second day, three girls wearing handmade kimonos on the third day, or....well, i'll think of something for the fourth day, then it's me with my editor. XD and if by some random way you do find us amongst the masses of people and come up to us, please tell me who you are. i'd love to know who is who this year. XD

but yeah, that's about it. if by some way i can find the jack for my phone, i'll post some of the pics i took on monday. it was fun

OH!!! and random side note for the first day: another way you can tell if it's my editor and i amist the other CxV pairings ('cause i'm sure there will be so many this year like always XD), if either Cid or Vincent is on a leash (probably Vincent, but we're not sure yet) then it's us. after all, Cid doesn't respond to his name and i had to think of some way to make him stop walking. but yeah, that's about it. oh yeah, and if anyone is going to pre-reg today at around 5:30 or 6 ish and sees a group with cookies and "Come to the dark side we have cookies" shirts, we're recruiting for the dark side. JOIN US!!!!!

so oaky, i gotta go. have to try to finish expo stuff. hope to see some of you there. XD

hi guys! okay, so as i said in the comments of Revenge and in the OC folder in my gallery, i have a story update. right, so you guys know how i was posting some of my OC stuff on dA? yeah well, not anymore. XD sorry for those of you that have read any of my stuff, but the good news is that i’m not taking the stuff i have posted off, i’m just going to stop posting it here. instead, i have a fictionpress.com account! and i have started posting on it!

so yeah…my OC stuff is now going to only be posted on my fictionpress account and i’ll put an update in my sig whenever i post something new on it. or in an updated version of this journal. Whatever you guys want. XD

here’s the link to my account if anyone's interested

[link]

enjoy!

okay, so as i said a while ago when i first started talking about all of this medical stuff, i have an update about what’s going on now.

so, i went to see my surgeon last Friday to talk about my x-rays and stuff and get this, my lower curve has gotten 10 degrees worse in the past 5 months. now just to put that in perspective, over the past…oh say, 12 years or so, my spine, at most has only gotten about 2.5 to 3 degrees worse, a year. so yeah, 10 degrees is a lot and now i’m definitely having surgery. used to be only 50 degrees for my bottom curve and now it’s 60. oh well. nothing i could do to prevent it. but the good thing is, A: i can do the surgery whenever the hell i want to over the summer; B: my surgeon is totally cool with me waiting and doing it after the Anime Expo; C: i’m not really going to lose a lot of mobility even though he’s going to have to fuse some of the disks in my spine; D: the recovery time will only be about 6-8 weeks, not months, so i’ll be up and functioning pretty quick; E: i now know what hospital i’m going to be in; and F: i’ll still have until second semester of college before i have to go back to school, so it’s like i’m getting about 3 months of summer extra XD

so yeah, not as bad as it could have been. but unfortunately, like with every good news, there’s bad news. A: i’m going to have to have a lot of my blood taken about a month before the surgery, which just so happens to be the same time when I’m preparing for graduation (that, and i really really needles *bleh*); and B: the disks in my spine are starting to degenerate because they’re being so badly pressed together that they’re rubbing together and are basically falling apart.

so….yeah. that’s it. so for bad news, that’s not that bad. could definitely be a lot worse and isn’t.

oh yeah, and get this, my surgeon also said that he was so shocked about my spine getting so much worse that him and his technician both measured my x-rays three times EACH. now you know it’s bad when even the techs don’t believe it. hehe. i’ll post pictures of my x-rays later because surprisingly, you can photograph x-rays with a phone camera. ^^

so yeah, that’s my update. oh, and just because i’m weird, get this one: that day i was much more concerned with my stupid ring project for my 3-D Design class than getting information about my spine. hehe. yeah, i know i’m weird.

so, like i said in the last entry about this, i’ll post an update when i get more info, which should be in about a month. maybe less. don’t know, but i’ll keep you guys updated.

oh, and is it just me or does my favorite word in this entry “so”? oh well.

XD

Upper Curve ---> [link]

Lower Curve ---> [link]

Together ---> [link]

yeah, so as you can tell by the title, i need help again. i was going through my OC Writing List last night and came to the realization of…well, to say it eloquently, “i’ve been writing a rather large amount of Altering novels lately.”
…right, so here’s the blunt version of it: damn i’ve been writing a lot of MindFucks lately.

*ahem* right, so yeah. i realized that i’ve only really been writing “altering” (mindfuck) stories lately and well, to be frank about it, i’m getting a little tired of it. i mean, it’s fun getting to take a character, turn their whole world upside down and inside out and then tell them to have a nice day and all, but after oh say, the 30th story, things seem to get a little repetitive. so i’m asking for anyone to please help me think of some other writing type thingy that isn’t mindfuck. pleeeeeeaaassseee? *puppy dog eyes*

oh yeah, and other thing i need help with: will someone PLEASE kidnap my muse and just keep it away from me?! oh my hell it’s been driving me CRAZY since it came back from it’s vacation! i think my muse decided to make up for not being here in my head by giving me 3 months worth of ideas all in the same WEEK! it’s driving me absolutely INSANE!!!!! my writing lists are just out of control and i can’t keep up with them anymore!!! so will someone be kind enough to just get my mind, kidnap it for a while so i can attempt to catch up with my writings? i don’t care what you guys do. split it up into tiny pieces if you want. i don’t care, just get it away from me. oh pretty please? my muse right now if my equivalent to Vincent’s Chaos, and as fun as it is to have a variation of Chaos in my head, it’s just talking too much and bombarding me with ideas. guess i now know how Vincent feels.

*cough* but that’s besides the point. so basically, is anyone willing to help me think of a different writing thingy and kidnap my muse before my head explodes? please? i don’t want to have to clean my brain off the walls again. that would put yet another delay on my writing. OH! and speaking of delays, that reminds me: i am so beyond sorry for not having Revenge up yet. it’s kinda turning into another NEC (Never Ending Chapter) where i can sum it up in my head in about 5 sentences, but somehow that’s turning into page after freaking page. (for reference, go to [link]) sorry, but just know that i’m still working on it…and everything else. hehe, yeah, ya know you’re hand’s going to fall off when you have 3 writing lists that range from only having 30 (yeah, that’s not much at all *dies* ) to over 100 (100 theme challenge not included). *looks over lists* yeah, i think i might post my lists in another journal, mostly just to scare a friend of mine because she thinks i’m crazy for writing this much don’t know. might, might not. but if anyone does want to see my lists, just leave me a comment and i’ll post it in a new journal. ^^

so yeah, thank you for actually taking the time to actually read through this insanity of a journal, and thank you even more if anyone takes away my muse for a while and/or helps me think of a new writing style thing (whatever you want to call it).

oh, and note: my account’s out of control again ( with over 1400 deviations to go through. gee, i wonder why. *glares at writings*) so if anyone’s waiting for a response or comment or anything of the sort, just give me a little time and i’ll get to it. Promise.

XD




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