HEY GUYS!!!! okay, sorry for not posting or anything earlier but as you can imagine, this month has been hell. high school graduation, the Expo (which was heaven on earth XD), now surgery, and doctors’ appointments the whole time, as well as family crap, i haven’t really been able to do much here. sorry. but sadly, things won’t be getting any better for a while. but let’s just try to catch up from where i last left off, shall we?

and i’m warning you guys now, there’s no guarantee i’ll be going in completely chronological order, but i’ll try ^^

okay,so from where i last left i, i went to yet another doctor's appointment and found out that my spine will be fused from T4 - L4 (here's a visual to help. basically it's from about between your shoulder blades to the small of your back [link] ). um...then i found out that my doctor probably won't be able to fix the way my ribs stick out so much (not like it's something that i'm really worried about) and um...i think that was it for that appointment. then i had my high school graduation, which was totally overrated but hey, i got lots of money so that was good. then i was out shopping around with my editor and getting ready for the expo. then there were issues with hotel rooms and we turned my house into home base for the expo again (pretty much everyone just gathered at my house and we stayed up until about 6 AM trying to finish things that should have been done months ago) but either way, we finished most of our stuff, then we went to the expo, which i have to say, was the BEST!!!!!!!!!! we had SOOOO much fun. and just to make it better, we made som new friends, one being the awesome ~chauntel123 she's a great Matt and a great person. really is.

OH! WAIT!! i forgot something. okay, now i'm going out of chronological order.
right, so on the day of pre reg for the expo....okay, back up even farther. the week before the expo, i had to give blood for my surgery, which surprisinly wasn't as bad as i thought it would be but i certainly learned the hard way why you're supposed to drink a lot afterwards. not. fun.

but okay, back to pre reg. right, on that day, apparently, my mom didn't understand that pre reg was that day so she planned my cardiologist appointment like...an hour after pre reg opened and none of our parents would let us stay out in LA after dark so we were kinda screwed for time. especially since the doctor was running late that day (talk about hell) okay, but either way, i learned that day that apparently, pain can indeed kill me. yeah, you heard right. pain can kill me. the reason being that i have a weak heart (it leaks blood everytime it beats, and yes you can hear this with a stethescope if you wait for a moment. weirdest thing in the world to heard. not the point) and that when you're in pain, your blood pressure goes up and with my heart, that can cause a hole to form and i can bleed out. fun fact ain't it? *blegh*

okay, but whatever, back to the expo: best thing in the WORLD!!!! oh my hell it was great. and there's already videos of the gatheirngs i was at (Death Note and Final Fantasy) up on youtube. so fun. and all of our feet were killing us. i mean, come on. you start walking in combat boots after 4 years of wearing nothing but sandles. either that or having your boot zipper break on you during the expo. talk about pain. but then, sadly, the expo ended, but it still wasn't over. we all exchanged phone numbers, and last saturday we all got together at the beach and just hung out (not in cosplay, thankfully ) and, oh, that was just so fun!!!!! we were taking candid photos of everyone and just goofing off. so much fun.

so then that brings us back to this week. ain't it just amazing how i can blow through time like that? *ahem* either way, i've pretty much just spent this week cleaning and rearranging the entire house for when i come home from the hospital, which sadly, other than resulting in just annoying the hell out of me (i still don't see why we had to move damned near everything in the whole house), but that also resulted in my mom losing the metal casting pendant i made in my 3D design class that i wanted to post on here, but now obviously can't. oh well, i'll post it when i find it.

but either way, that was sunday, monday, and tuesday. and now we're on wendsday! (and yes, i know i have horrible spelling) okay, so for yesterday....well, my sister, her husband, and my friend who flew in from london to be here with me (love her to pieces ) came over this morning, the i showed them expo stuff, then we all went to lunch. and then, i entered hell....they dragged me along for... *dum dum duuummm* shopping! :fiant: now don't get me wrong, i like shopping, just not for clothes and not with my mother around. she still doesn't seem to understand that i'm not a "pink" person. and you know what, along with the "rearraging the whole damned house!" thing, i still don't understand my i suddenly need like 10 different pairs of pajamas. i mean, i understand that i'll be pretty much living in my pajamas for the next 2 months, but i already have two pairs!!! i can just switch out into my other pair when i need the ones i'm wearing washed!! argh. i don't get but whatever, they bought them, we got the wrong size shirts (HA!! sucks for them ) and then we went to see the new Harry Potter movie. and i gotta say, i didn't remember any of that stuff. i mean, i've read the book and everything, just damn none of that seemed familiar. oh well, not the point. we then went home and, as usual, we got lost (we seem to be doing that quite a bit today....yesterday...whatever it is) but eventually found our way home. so then we finally got here, everyone's kinda freaking out about tomorrow except me (go figure) but whatever. i'm just not thrilled about the recovery is all. the surgery doesn't really bother me, it's just the recovery that's gonna be a bitch. i mean, i like my independence, but know my family, they're going to be hovering over me every single f***ing second. talk about hell on earth. but okay, whatever. we got things ready, everyone's asleep right now (except me obviously XD) and now i have.....1 hour and 30 minutes until i have to be in the hospital. joy *sarcasm* whatever.

okay, so know that i've gotten through all of that crap: here's an actual medical update (took me long enough XP)

right so....let's see, you guys know about my spine and how seriously f***ed up it is, you guys know about how my doctor's won't be able to fix any of the physical crap that's wrong, you guys know how much time i have left until i enter a family-induced hell....hmm....what's left? OH! the risks!!! right. totally forgot about those. smart ain't i?

okay, so um...the risks. well....seeing as i have total faith in my doctor, i'm not too worried about him slipping or something, but i am worried about the whole "well this one person had the same surgery and ended up paralyzed from the waist down and we have no idea why" thing, so that's a little concerning. um...the whole "pain can actually kill me" thing isn't too comforting right now, but i'm going to have a button for pain meds that i control, so that's good. um...the "this is my first time in a hospital for something about me" isn't so good since we have no f***ing clue what i'm allergic to or if how i'll react to the anastesia aint' too good either. um....let's see...oh yeah! the pain factor isn't really making me happy either. i don't do well with pain, espeically knowing that pain can now kill me. hmm...fun....

um...yeah, i think that's about it for the risks and crap. OH! and having to be forced out of bed the day after isn't making me happy either.

so, as you can probably tell, i'm not too happy with this whole thing. but hey, look at it this way: i either get this surgery done and get to live longer, or in about 2 years half my life will be over. hmmm....i wonder what option i'll pick. XP

okay, so yeah, that's about it. i think i'm going to sign off now. OH!! i almost forgot. in the next few weeks or so, if it says i'm online, IT'S NOT ME!!! it's probably my editor checking up on things for me. oh well. if you talk to her, you'll be able to tell if it's me or not. we talk very differently.

so um...yeah. that's it. i'll see you guys in a few weeks (hopefully). and for those few of you that have my number feel free to call. just know that i'll probably be out of it for a while so...yeah. i'll talk to you eventually. ^^

and for everyone else, i just wanna say, thanks for all of the support. it really means a lot to me and has helped me tons!!! love to you all and i'll see you guys soon.



and thus, with this journal entry posted, the mass posting is over.

SEE YA GUYS!!!!

XP